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  • Steve Argyle

September 2020 News

I’m a gentle soul. I’m that person who will scoop up a spider and walk it outside. If it hisses a prophecy at me in an archaic tongue, I’ll walk it a little further down the block, and be sure to wash my hands with holy water.

But I find myself tested. Our neighbor has this rooster. A monstrosity not of this earth. An abombination born of the deepest horrors of the wailing abyss. Day and night, ceaselessly, it shrieks a bone cracking caw. Imagine a thousand bagpipes filled with rusty hinges and the the weeping lost souls of orphans, violently gargled by Cthulu over a burning village. Now imagine something hundreds of times worse than that, because there are no words to truly describe the madness this sound sears into your mind.

I’ve never actually seen it. The sound is either tearing through the veil itself, or the creature is too unnatural for the human brain to comprehend. But I imagine it looks like churning shattered obsidian and oil in roughly a roostery shape, with impossibly black pinpoint eyes that cut a swath of despair with it’s gaze.

I’m just telling you this in case you hear that I’ve either: been committed to an insane asylum, or arrested for the murder of a wattled hellbeast that turned out to be a shapeshifting cult leader to an elder god. I want to get ahead of the story just in case.


It’s been a busy month. The Way of Kings Kickstarter was crazy-town-banana-pants awesome.

(Even though it's over, you can actually still join it until the 7th, btw:

Not that I didn’t know Brandon Sanderson was popular and successful, and I’ve been a fan since before I met him - but by Crom’s heart-shaped birthmark, I had no idea he’d break Kickstarter records several times over on his first go of it. I’ve known Brandon for over a decade, and somehow to me he’s still just my writer friend who always beats my tuckus raw at Magic while I eat too much pizza and M&Ms. (The secret topping of the heroes of old, BTW.)

For my part in this Kickstarter, I did the ten orders of Knights Radiant, five end-part illustrations, and one interior color illustration. Some of you have ordered prints, and I want to thank you so much for that. For all of us, this year has been a tsunami full of horrors, uncertainty, and mutant piranha with a taste for human blood. Most of my income is from conventions. Which, of course, there are none in 2020. The print orders were a much welcome boost of stability in a career choice that’s not exactly known for making people sky-yacht-buying wealthy. It was a boon to my awesome printers, El-Co Color Labs, as well. So they want to thank you too. Seriously, I know finances are rough right now, it means a lot that you’re supporting artists.

The new work is up on my website, under the Cosmere Collection Gallery here:

I’m currently working on some Magic pieces, a book cover, and the DoorDash junk food induced old-guy weight that has taken up residence on my never-sculpted abs. Many of you have asked about whether I’ll be taking fanservice commissions through the mail to replace what normally keeps me huffing Mt Dew at conventions. The hope is that I’ll be able to do that a bit later in the fall. I’ll be taking the big stuff first: oil-painted artist proofs and card alterations, since those are what I’m asked about most, and the hardest to get. And honestly, I enjoy those the most. They’re more like original works of art, and they afford me enough time to do my best work. If there’s time after that, I’ll open for the simpler and cheaper options. My doctor says I should be getting more marker fumes anyway.

Thanks again for supporting my art! You folks are the reason I can do this for a living. I’m not good at much else, and I did not enjoy my time working in fast-food. Not wanting to go back is my secret motivation. It works for me, even if TED Talks wasn’t interested my inspiring tale of triumph over a faulty fry vat…

Until next time, you are awesome!

Steve “Stop Licking the Paint” Argyle

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